


no turning back

by seokxiu



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2019-04-08 07:51:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14100801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seokxiu/pseuds/seokxiu
Summary: love, a jungle that jihoon dares not to tread through, something so messy and confusing that has jihoon avoiding it at all cost. love, a vast ocean that soonyoung dove in, head first, way too fast. the two go through the trial and errors of love, not knowing what exactly they'll get themselves into.





	1. one.

love, a jungle that jihoon dares not to tread through, something so messy and confusing that has jihoon avoiding it at all cost. maybe it’s because he’s seen the turbulent relationship of his parents, scaring him from wanting to ever have to deal with a toxic relationship as theirs. sure, he has dated couple of people here and there, but he’s never felt anything remotely close to ‘love’, or whatever he thought was considered love. heart racing, palms sweaty, wanting nothing but to be with the person, that was what love was portrayed in the movies. for him? minus the unconditional love his parents still devoted to him, he watched their love for eachother break their family apart, crushing it to pieces. love was empty.

love, a vast ocean that soonyoung dove in, head first, way too fast. he wasn’t careful, wasn’t thinking when the sweet words soon turned sour, and when the kisses pressed against his skin soon turned into bruises. the only love he received was from his grandmother, a love that he cherishes greatly. that’s what love is supposed to be. however, he stays away from that ocean of love, fearful of almost drowning like he did last time. guarded up, soonyoung avoids even dwelling in the shallow parts of the sea, letting himself float above the surface with his boat. though he’s managed to dip his foot into the water, dating couple people after such a traumatic relationship, trying to fill and make up for the void inside him that he felt was missing, but to no avail. he lost the excitement and thrill that love brought. or maybe it was just him, avoiding the possibility of falling in too deep.

  
  
  
  


“really, hyung?”

 jihoon sighed, glancing up from his laptop to stare at the taller male lingering by his own bedroom door, arms crossed over his chest in a stubborn manner. 

“what?”

 “you’re not going to come with us to the bar? again? we’re gonna go bar hopping!” mingyu grinned, wiggling his eyebrows playfully at the other, as though that would tempt him to join them. another friday night of his roommate nagging him to the go to the bar. jihoon makes a face, shaking his head. mingyu, the dumb, yet lovable, junior of his who always found a way to nag and bully the older. jihoon blames the massive height difference between the two, mingyu as tall as a column and jihoon just.. not so tall. regardless, no matter how many times mingyu may annoy him, he enjoys the younger’s presence and company at times, always managing to put a smile on jihoon’s face even at his lowest. a love-hate friendship was the best jihoon could describe it.

“leave the boy be.” spoke jisoo as he emerged from the bathroom, hair still damp as he shoots a look at mingyu while walking past him. “if he doesn’t want to go, maybe next time.”

“but he always says next time.” mingyu frowned, as he disappears into his room. “you never come out when we drink.” 

“hey, i don’t want to take care of your drunk ass.” jihoon comments, closing his laptop as he runs a hand through his hair. “remember when we found you with your head in the toilet?” 

“don’t speak of that dark time.” mingyu yells out, popping his head out to send a glare at jihoon.  

jisoo, from the kitchen, laughs as he recalls the memory. “jeez, you were wasted.” 

“listen, listen. that’s why we have jisoo hyung.” mingyu says defensively, grinning playfully at the older, who all but waves his hand dismissively.  

“wanna come out? i heard minghao and wonwoo will be coming along too.” jisoo asked, glancing at him. jihoon always liked jisoo, considerably one of his closest friends he made in university who always respected his space and boundaries, and knew when to push and went to leave him alone. he was genuinely blessed the moment he was assigned with jisoo as his roommate, and they were inseparable since. they got an apartment together his sophomore year of university, mingyu tagging along eventually in his junior year.  

jihoon was fairly familiar with minghao and wonwoo, usually always seeing minghao because of mingyu, and wonwoo occasionally passing by. “you asked seungcheol to come out?” jihoon questioned, raising an eyebrow as he stretched his arms out.  

“nah, he’s being a good son and went back home for the weekend, helping out his mom.” jisoo shrugged, downing a water bottle in seconds as he lets out a refreshed sigh. 

“wha- he went back to busan and didn’t even tell me?” jihoon scoffed, rolling his eyes as he stood up.

“boyfriend over best friend now!” mingyu cackled playfully as he stepped out from his room, causing jihoon to chuck the pillow he was leaning against at the taller. “ow!”

“whatever, it would’ve been nice to see my dad.” jihoon says, dodging the pillow hurled at him by mingyu, which just ends up plopping back onto the couch. “so, bar hopping?”

“yes, hyung! finally!” mingyu cheered, fully dressed as he shuffles over to drag jihoon to his room. “now go get ready, the others should be here anytime soon.”

“you sure it’s just minghao and wonwoo?” jihoon groaned, because the idea of interacting with an even bigger group of people has a headache forming already.

“they mentioned bringing others.” mingyu shrugged, rolling his eyes. “you know most of them, anyway. don’t be such a hermit. 

“shut up, you walking light pole. how would i know who they’re bringing?” jihoon grumbled, before closing the door quick on a protesting mingyu.

“i’m not a light pole! hyung!”

  
  
  
  
  


“soonyoung, you’re pathetic.” wonwoo deadpans, watching the male shove spoonfuls of ice cream into his mouth.

soonyoung shrugs, inhaling yet another scoop of mango ice cream. “leave my dumped ass alone.”  

“single ass.” wonwoo corrects, shaking his head. “you broke up with him. c’mon, you guys didn’t even date for long. like, couple months?” wonwoo questions, quickly snatching away the carton of ice cream.

“jeon wonwoo!” soonyoung glares, sighing as he falls back onto his bed. “like four months?”

“why are you even acting all sad when you were the one who ended it?” wonwoo sighs out of disbelief, ultimately eating a scoop of ice cream for himself. 

he had a good point, soonyoung thought, rubbing his temple, suddenly at a loss for words.

“exactly.”

 “shut up.” soonyoung rolled his eyes, shrugging as he sits back up. “it was more mutual. he wanted something more serious, and i just -” he stopped short, trying to find the words for what he wanted to say next. “- didn’t want that.” 

“ouch.” wonwoo chuckled. “harsh.”

“listen. nice dude, but i don’t know what i want in a relationship yet.” soonyoung said defensively, watching the younger practically consume the rest of his ice cream. god dammit, jeon wonwoo.

“i know you have your reasons, but don’t let that ruin all of your relationships because you don’t want to get hurt like that.” wonwoo said seriously, finishing the rest of the ice cream as he looks over at his friend. “that’s why, we’re getting drunk tonight.”

“i’m sorry, how does that even correlate?” soonyoung deadpans at his best friend.

“it doesn’t. but mingyu invited us out, so let’s get going.”

soonyoung scoffs, but figures drinking his worries away wouldn’t be a bad thing after all.

  
  
  
  
  


jihoon frowned, perched on the kitchen counter of their apartment as he watched the others filter in. one too many, mingyu. he thinks, sighing as he waves a hand at them as they walk in. it wasn’t like he wasn’t familiar with them; they were, in fact, his friends too. but the idea of going out drinking with them is another story. let’s say, he’s had one too many incidents where he was the one taking care of their drunk asses. he loved them, but he rather much eat dinner and study with them than trying to lug around their intoxicated bodies throughout the night.

“jihoon.” called out soonyoung, the boy who was always smiling. he swears he never saw the latter without one. he gave a quick nod in his direction, cursing mentally as he saw the male shuffle his way over. sure, soonyoung was nice, but he was too friendly, too positive. it bothered jihoon. 

“hey. you normally don’t come out with us.” soonyoung snorted, leaning against the counter next to him as he raised an eyebrow. “what changed your mind?” 

“a rather whiny mingyu, to be honest.” jihoon snorted, shrugging as he watched the others interact with one another.

soonyoung laughed at that, nodding his head. “i can imagine that.”

after a few small talk between the two, soonyoung drifted back into the group with jihoon following suit as they finalized the bars they were going to.

“that’s a lot of walking.” seungkwan whined, making a face as he threw an arm around jihoon, who rolled his eyes in disbelief.

“hey, bar hopping is fun!” mingyu said, squinting at seungkwan who all but makes a face at him.

“hey, if we manage to find a bar we like, we’ll just stay there.” minghao concludes fairly, enough for seungkwan to stop whining and for mingyu to accept what it is. jihoon let out an air of laugh, because his friends really were something else. oh, what an interesting night this will be.

  
  
  


three bars in, and jihoon was definitely feeling the effects of all the alcoholic drinks he’s managed to consume within the first hour. he frowns, eyes finding it hard to focus as he stumbles through the crowd, drink in hand as he laughs at himself in disbelief.

“i’m fucking drunk.” he mutters to himself, chuckling airly as he tries to find the rest of his friends. whilst searching and searching, practically every corner of the place, he concludes they left him. fuck. sadly to say, this isn’t the first time his so called friends left his ass at the bar.

sighing, he gulp down the rest of his drink, placing it down somewhere while he quickly rings up jisoo.

“jihoon, where are you?” came the voice after a single ring, concerned as always. “we thought you were following us but we realized you weren’t. seungkwan saw a couple of his friends so looks like they’re tagging along. i guess with this many people, we were bound to lose someone.”

everything jisoo said just went in one ear and out the other for jihoon, who’s frowning. “the fuck, jisoo.” he manages, his words slurring as he tries to steady himself against the bar. “come find me.”

he heard jisoo laughing from the other end, muttering something about how cute a drunk jihoon was, before speaking into the receiver again. “we’re at the other bar already. i’d come by, but i’m currently trying to console a puking mingyu. idiot can’t even handle a couple of drinks in one bar, i don’t know why he suggested bar hopping. looks like we’re spending the rest of the night here, so soonyoung’s going to come get you. he’s already heading over now.”

“why him?” he whines stubbornly, rolling his eyes as he kicks his feet. “jisoo, come find me.”

 jisoo laughed again, and he could tell his friend was shaking his head. “soonyoung’s still somewhat sober, so just follow him. now do me a favor, and go outside.”

 sighing, jihoon tried his best to clear his mind, pushing past how intoxicated he was and made his way towards the exit. after bumping into several people, he was met with the cool breeze of the night air, finding it soothing and relaxing against his flushed body. he lets out a sigh, stumbling over to sit on the curb of the sidewalk, ignoring the other people lingering outside the entrance.

 “jihoon?” came a voice, soonyoung’s to be exact, and jihoon found the other sitting down next to him in a moment’s time.

 “ready for the next bar?” he asked, that same smile finding its way onto his face. jihoon squinted, reaching over to poke the male’s cheeks as he shrugs. how can this boy always be smiling? it’s something jihoon admires from the male.

 “i think i’ve had enough to drink.” jihoon admits shortly after, trying to shake away the dizziness that was hitting him.

 “but i haven’t.” soonyoung laughs, and jihoon just chuckles.

 “sorry you had to find my lost, drunk ass.”

 soonyoung shakes his head. “guess that means you can take care of _my_ drunk ass then.” he grins playfully, standing up as he offers a hand to jihoon, who takes it, with a slight hesitation, and shakily manages to get up onto his feet.

 “yeah, yeah. we’ll see.” jihoon retorts, following soonyoung as they made their way to their last destination.

  
  
  
  
  


“soonyoung, how are you feeling?” wonwoo asked, voice slurring just a bit as he and jihoon finally regrouped with everyone. jihoon quickly clinging onto seokmin, a friend of seungkwan, who also seems to be fairly close to jihoon. soonyoung raises an eyebrow at the interaction, but let’s it go as he gazes at wonwoo.

 soonyoung shrugged, accepting the drink as he quickly downed it. “not drunk enough.”

 “i still don’t understand why you always wait for the last bar to get stupidly wasted. that’s not the point of bar hopping, idiot.” wonwoo scoffs, shaking his head before shrugging.  “well, we have all night.” wonwoo smirks, nudging him with his elbow. “hey, get over what’s his face and find a cutie here tonight.”

 soonyoung scoffed, rolling his eyes as he props his elbow onto the bar, eyes scanning the place. “listen, i’m not going to whore myself out just because i’m single, idiot.”

 wonwoo shrugged, tapping his forehead lightly with the edge of his drink. soonyoung all but glares at him, turning away from the male to order himself a shot.

 and after three more additional shots, soonyoung could feel his body slowly starting to relax, always taking him longer to get used to the bar atmosphere, hips finding rhythm to the beat of the song. he could hear wonwoo’s laugh echoing nearby him as soonyoung stumbles into the crowd, finding his friends as he quickly throws an arm around minghao, who was chatting with seokmin and jihoon.

 soonyoung doesn’t remember much after that. doesn’t remember dancing up against the others, while they laugh and slap his ass playfully. he doesn’t remember jihoon grabbing hold of him before he could stumble off as their friends dispersed elsewhere, doesn’t remember him clinging desperately onto the shorter as soonyoung practically breathed into his face, nor does he remember anything he might have said to the other. he does, however, remember the brush of jihoon’s lips against his, the way the male was suddenly all too close and suddenly all he could think about. he doesn’t know when the fuck that happened, but suddenly all of his senses were _jihoon jihoon jihoon_ and it scared him, greatly. but soonyoung’s lips were on the others before he could even register, and he was surprised the latter was responding back as eagerly as he was. and all soonyoung remembers was the taste of the shorter male’s lips, and the feeling he felt in his chest before he blacked out.

  
  
  


ew.

 the first thought that came to soonyoung’s mind when he finally came to. the pain in his head just wouldn’t subside, groaning in discomfort as he tried to lift his head up.

 nope, not doing that. he thinks as he drops his head back against the mattress, feeling as though his body was dragged around for hours, having the inability to bother trying to get up. he figures going back to sleep would help the headache go away.

 “hey.” came a voice, startling soonyoung as his eyes shot open immediately. his vision was still blurry, blinking rapidly as he lifted his head to find jihoon standing next to his bed.

 wait. no, this wasn’t even his room to begin with. oh, kwon soonyoung, what did you do?

 “hi.” he manages to groan out, slowly starting to sit up. “did we..” his voice trailed off, realizing his shirt was missing as he shot a look up at jihoon, who snorts at the question.

 “no.” jihoon answers quickly and firmly, clearing his throat as he avoids eye contact with the other. “you threw up all over yourself, so i did what a good friend would and cleaned you up. as well as let you sleep in my bed.” he muttered, shooting a glare at soonyoung before he’s shuffling out of his room. soonyoung could barely get a word in as he watches the male disappear from his sight, sighing as he notices his shirt laid out next to him. grabbing hold of it, the smell of detergent invaded his senses, and he suddenly felt guilty for whatever stupid thing he probably did last night. quickly pulling on his shirt, he tried to remember as much as he could, tried to think back to what was the last thing he remembered.

 he couldn’t tell if his mind was playing tricks, but the only thing he could distinctly remember was making out with jihoon in the bathroom. gross, because the bathroom at bars are disgusting. but he shakes the thought away, because maybe it was his mind playing tricks and it was a random stranger that looked a lot like jihoon (which didn’t console him much considering if that really was the case, it was a _stranger_ ). jihoon was always the quiet type, one to keep to himself at most times but was very open and relaxed with people he was willing to open up to. they’ve been friends since second semester of freshman year, and he still wasn’t as close as some others. sure, they’ve studied together and did class work together on days, had time to themselves and went out to eat on occasion. but soonyoung sees the way jihoon communicates with others, and he can’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy.

 regardless, it wasn’t something to dwell on. it was jihoon, who he loves to tease and poke fun of at times. jihoon, who he enjoys working together because they have the same ideals and mentality. jihoon, the one who always laughed at everything he did because half of the stuff he did was just dumb, even he had to admit that about himself. for now, and as it has always been, he’ll just have to accept that as their friendship.

 soonyoung quickly shuffled out of jihoon’s room, ignoring the intense panging against his skull as he found jihoon seated in the living room sofa, on his laptop as the television plays in the background. soonyoung shuffles to the kitchen, feeling his stomach beg him for food as he moves to open the fridge.

 “i made you hangover soup.” he hears jihoon speak up, peering from behind the refrigerator door to look at jihoon. “it’s on the stove.”

 “you -” soonyoung starts, clutching his chest dramatically as he closes the door, falling back against it as he stares at jihoon in awe, “are a lifesaver.”

 as soonyoung proceeds to grab a bowl and spoon, jihoon lets out a quiet laugh. “yeah, we’re even now. you found my drunk ass, and i took care of your drunk ass.”

 “oh, lee jihoon.” soonyoung comments, grinning at the other as he shuffles over with his bowl, taking a seat next to the shorter male. “look at you, keeping your word.”

 “like always.” jihoon retorts back quickly, narrowing his eyes at the other as he closes his laptop. “try it. i just followed what jisoo texted me.”

 soonyoung brought the bowl to his lips, instantly slurping it down as the warm liquid travels down his throat, letting out a sigh. “perfect.”

 jihoon snickers, rolling his eyes as he shifts his position on the couch so he’s leaning against the armrest, body facing the other.

 “where’s mingyu and jisoo, anyway?” soonyoung asked, glancing up to notice both male’s doors closed.

 “didn’t even get home.” jihoon snorts, shaking his head as he turns his head to watch the television as he continued. “mingyu, being the mingyu that he is, ended up crashing at minghao’s considering it was the closest to the bar. jisoo kept him company.”

 “and me?” soonyoung questions, raising an eyebrow as jihoon shrugged in response.

 “well, you wouldn’t let me the fuck go.” jihoon said, shooting daggers at the other, who cowered away at the male’s stare. “i was going to drop you off with wonwoo at minghao’s, but yeah. clingy.”

 jihoon makes a face, returning his gaze back to the television.

 “speaking of last night, do you remember.. what i did?” soonyoung mentioned, carefully picking his words as he watched for jihoon’s reaction. if you didn’t look careful, you’d think he wouldn’t have even reacted. but soonyoung notes the way jihoon’s jaw tenses slightly, his lips pressing into a thin line.

 “you kept drinking even though i told you not to.” jihoon commented after a moment, pursing his lips in thought. “you threw up once at the bar, and once all over yourself when we got back to the apartment. and you kept grinding against everyone.”

 jihoon pulls out his phone at that, smirking as he plays the video of soonyoung grinding against a horrified seungkwan.

 soonyoung grimaces at the video, feeling his face flush a shade of red. sounds and looks like something he’d do. “man, and i didn’t think i’d drink that much. ugh, i hate myself.”

 jihoon laughs lightly, grabbing the finished bowl from soonyoung as he moves to the kitchen. “well, i heard you broke up with your boyfriend, so i assumed you got this drunk because of that.”

 “ah, word goes around, huh?” soonyoung laughs weakly, slumping back against the couch. people really do have big mouths, he concluded.

 “guess so. seungkwan mentioned something about it.” jihoon admitted sheepishly, realizing maybe the other didn’t want people to know, as he cleans the bowl in the sink. soonyoung sighs audibly, rubbing his face as he tries to scrub away the shame that’s fallen over him.

 “yeah. jooheon is nice, but i didn’t think it would work out.” soonyoung admitted. there was some truth to his words, ignoring the underlying guilt he felt when he saw the devastated look on his former boyfriend. hurt others before you can get hurt, he thought, a sick, twisted mindset but it was a mindset he learned from early on.

 “you always say that, you know.” jihoon adds after a moment of silence. “you sure it isn’t just you?” he teased, glancing over at soonyoung, who was already looking at jihoon. the male had a smile on, but it was different, jihoon noticed. the small didn’t reach his eyes, nor did it have the same effect his normal smile usually had. no, it was different. it was sadder. something jihoon rarely saw from soonyoung.

 “maybe it is.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


jihoon didn’t know why or how, but soonyoung was all over him, drunk and mumbling something incoherent. dammit, he really shouldn’t have agreed to take care of his drunk ass. but once he saw the male begin to saunter elsewhere, jihoon couldn’t let the male wander off like that so drunk. who knows what may happen, or who may be keeping an eye on soonyoung.

 “no, no.” jihoon says, a little bit tipsy himself, but somewhat still self aware of his surroundings. he grabs soonyoung’s arm, preventing him from moving any further as he pulls him back to the bar. he needs to sit this boy somewhere before he’s falling over. good lord, jihoon doesn’t know how he could handle the rest of this night with soonyoung.

 jihoon groans as soonyoung stumbles and loses his balance, desperately clinging onto the shorter male. god dammit, kwon soonyoung. jihoon curses mentally, holding up the male’s weight.

 "jihoon.” soonyoung says, drawing out his name in an obnoxious manner as he rests his head against his shoulder.

 “c’mon soonyoung, keep it together.” jihoon huffed, trying to drag soonyoung over to the bar as best as possible. he looks around, spotting jisoo as he tries his best to grab his attention.

 jihoon thanks the lord and all who may be watching him struggle when jisoo manages to glance his way, noticing an annoyed jihoon with a drunk soonyoung. jisoo darts over quickly, helping jihoon to pull a somewhat conscious soonyoung over to a seat and table.

 “you’re the best.” jihoon sighs, running a hand through his hair as he glares at soonyoung. this idiot.

 jisoo laughs, shaking his head. “no problem. i gotta go back over to minghao now, so give me a call if anything.”

 jihoon frowns, nodding as he waves off the taller, turning back to soonyoung whose body is draped over the table, mumbling something he couldn’t quite make out.

 “soonyoung, you’re done for the night right?” jihoon asks, shouting over the music to grab the drunk male’s attention. he lifts his head up, eyes barely open as he shakes his head quickly.

 “no! i want vodka.” soonyoung says stubbornly, quickly jumping off and stumbling towards the bar. how soonyoung could even do that baffles jihoon, who all but follows his drunk ass.

  


 

with a little bit too much vodka in soonyoung’s system, jihoon already regrets letting the male drink so much. just to be able to handle soonyoung, jihoon takes a shot or two as well. the drink burns each time, but not as much as the headache he’ll get when soonyoung’s pulling him around.

 they settle in the crowd after a time, having found seungkwan, wonwoo and mingyu mingling amongst themselves.

 jihoon lets soonyoung drape onto seungkwan, who rolls his eyes as soonyoung starts professing just how much he loves him. “yeah yeah, i know. i’ve heard this many times.” seungkwan sighs, buzzed but sober enough to glance at jihoon in pity. “can’t believe you had to deal with this one.”

 shaking his head, jihoon lets the rest of the alcohol infiltrate his system, feeling it kick in a bit as he dances alongside his friends. soonyoung’s already doing something embarrassing, grinding against seungkwan who just looks between a mix of shock and disgust. wonwoo and mingyu laugh, taking a video of the scene as jihoon just chuckles to himself, finding the scene too hilarious to miss out so he takes a video as well. it doesn’t hurt. add that to the other videos of soonyoung drunkenly grinding against others.

 “ugh, hyung only gets this drunk after he ends a relationship.” seungkwan scoffs, pushing soonyoung back towards jihoon.

 “oh?” jihoon questioned, because that was something new. he didn’t even know soonyoung was dating someone, and now they’re broken up?

 “at this rate, he’ll be getting wasted every five months.” wonwoo snorts, looking at soonyoung in pity before he passes jihoon his beer, walking off elsewhere.

 “i need something stronger.” he hears wonwoo mutter before he disappeared. jihoon frowned, before shrugging and deciding to finish the rest of the drink as soonyoung starts to move his hips again.

 “hey, hey. no grinding against me.” jihoon frowns, starting to lose track of where his friends were as soonyoung leans in close. the male chuckles faintly, eyes barely open as he presses his nose against jihoon’s cheek.

 “so pretty.” jihoon hears soonyoung mutter, catching the shorter off guard as he tries to pull away from the taller’s embrace.

 “okay, okay.” jihoon starts, vision fuzzy and thoughts slowly becoming a blur as he manages to distance him and soonyoung apart for a second. he forgot just how attractive soonyoung was, especially up close. he shakes his head, trying to gather himself together but the way soonyoung was leaning in closer, he felt himself suddenly trapped. when in the world did that happen?

 “god, jihoon, you’ve always been so pretty.” soonyoung mutters, nudging his nose against the shorter’s cheek, arms draped over jihoon’s shoulders.

 “you’re drunk.” jihoon laughs, finding the comment ridiculous as he swallows down whatever fear, or anticipation, that was budding at his throat.

 “and you’re pretty.” was the last thing jihoon heard before soonyoung’s lips were on his, and the buzzing sound intensified. he doesn’t remember what pushed him, or why, or even how, but he was kissing the other back.

 what the fuck? was all jihoon could think, but the taste of soonyoung was suddenly addicting.

  


( _“you sure nothing else happened last night?” soonyoung questioned, racking his brain for other memories as he steals a glance at jihoon, who all but shrugs and shakes his head._

 

 _“nope.”_ )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a new chaptered fic! aaah i'm so excited to be writing this, and i hope you all enjoy reading! big shoutout to [melodyinlove](https://archiveofourown.org/users/melodyinlove) for being amazing and reading over this many times and giving great advice! she writes soonhoon, as well as 2hyun / pd101, so check her out!
> 
> follow me and talk to me on [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/inuhosh) about soonhoon or svt or anything really!! thanks for reading! ♡
> 
> kudos and comments are much appreciated. ♡


	2. two.

“did ya get some, boy?” came a loud, boisterous voice once soonyoung stepped into his apartment. before he could even close the door, seungkwan was bouncing around him eagerly.

“no, what are you talking about? i was at jigyushua’s place.” soonyoung says slowly, narrowing his eyes at the other as he closes the door behind him. “why, did you see me with someone?”

maybe seungkwan could answer what actually happened last night.

“oh.” seungkwan mumbled, visibly deflating as he shrugs. “no. whatever, i thought you went home with someone else. you ended up going back with jihoon?”

soonyoung just nods, kicking off his shoes as he falls onto the couch. “i felt bad he had to take care of me.”

seungkwan snickers, tossing a towel at soonyoung’s head. “yeah yeah, go shower. you smell.”

seungkwan can hear soonyoung’s whining complaints as he walks off, quickly pulling out his phone to text seokmin.

 

**to: seokmin**

**from: seungkwan**

hey??? do u remember what happened with soonyoung and jihoon???? last night???

 

just as he was about to pocket his phone, he received a quick text back from seokmin.

 

**to: seungkwan**

**from: seokmin**  

all i remember was seeing them makeout crazy man who wouldve thought

 

just as seungkwan had suspected, soonyoung doesn’t know. knowing jihoon, he probably won't say anything until he's forced to. oh boy. 

  
  
  
  


jihoon had already left before jisoo and mingyu could come back to their apartment from their night of drinking, avoiding them for good reasons. he finds himself seated at a cafe nearby, hood pulled over his head as he tries to finish writing his paper that was due tuesday.

his thoughts are jumbled, though, unable to really focus on what he was working on. jihoon doesn’t even remember what class this paper was for. sighing, he reaches for his coffee, taking a quick sip from the straw as he stares blankly at the open document. his eyes were scanning the words he typed, but nothing was processing in his head.

everything that happened with soonyoung was the only thing that was filtering through his thoughts, a frustrated sigh at his own inability to stop thinking about it. it wasn’t important, wasn’t something to dwell on or something to fester over. it was soonyoung, who he happened to end up making out with in the bathroom until wonwoo walked in on them. jihoon clearly remembers the look on wonwoo’s face when they pulled apart, soonyoung happily moving to cling onto his best friend as though he didn’t just have his tongue down jihoon’s throat a second before. though his memory was blurry, and his drunken thoughts were a mess at the time, he swore he saw a wave of pain flash across wonwoo’s expression. other than that, the taller of the three was just shocked.

“jeez, didn’t expect to find you guys here like this.” wonwoo had said at the time, rolling his eyes as he moved to wash his hand, with a soonyoung clung onto his arm.

jihoon could feel the wave of embarrassment wash over him, pulling his hood to cover his whole face as he sat there, wallowing in his own despair. it was just soonyoung, the idiot with a caring heart who looks out for everyone. soonyoung, the idiot who always does something dumb that, eventually, makes him burst out into a fit of laughs. soonyoung, the idiot who he always saw as a great friend to have. not once did jihoon ever consider anything more or less, minus the first time he met soonyoung at a freshman mixer, and found the male undeniably hot. it was shortly after when he realized they had a 8am class together and after seeing soonyoung practically show up to class after having just rolled out of bed, that kwon soonyoung was everything but hot. he was just a lovable, cute person, but damn did he serve looks that one night.

but why does jihoon feel something nagging in his chest that just won’t go away? the kiss didn’t mean anything to him, nor did soonyoung even remember anything that happened. that was probably for the better, though. jihoon thinks, pushing his hood away to focus back on his work.

“shit.” jihoon lets out a yelp, startled to find none other than soonyoung seated across him, a smirk on his face. he feels his ears burn up as he notices others turning towards their direction, with jihoon glaring at the all-too happy male as he pulls his hood back up.

“nice to see you, too.” soonyoung laughs, smirk still evident on his face as he takes jihoon’s drink for a sip.

“shut up, you just saw me this morning. why, missed me already?” jihoon snorts, raising an eyebrow playfully as soonyoung chokes on the coffee, much to the shorter’s satisfaction.

“no, actually. i came to do work.” soonyoung says voice strained from the coughing fit he just had, whilst jihoon sat and watched with a shake of his head, clearing his throat as he takes another sip to help his throat heal. “jeez jihoon, watch me die just like that.”

jihoon smirks, shrugging. “you’re the one who drank my coffee. besides, aren’t you getting sick of seeing my face so much?” 

“i’ll live.” soonyoung snorts, before pausing. “actually, i almost died just now. maybe i won’t stay alive being around you.”

“perfect.” jihoon mutters, which has soonyoung pouting stubbornly in response.

jihoon could feel the awkwardness melt away, and his thoughts clearing up just a bit. this was good, being friends with soonyoung was all he ever saw between the two, anyway. jihoon does his best to console himself with that thought, but something about the feeling in his chest tells him that it won’t be that easy.

  
  
  
  
  


poking his head inside his apartment, jihoon hopes jisoo and mingyu have left elsewhere. he spent quite a bit of time at the cafe, along with soonyoung and vernon who ended up joining them soon after. it was around 9pm, and jihoon knew mingyu always drags one or all out for dinner. quietly slipping in, he presses the door shut as quietly as possible, making quick movements to his room.

“no, no, no.” came a voice from behind, just as he was about to turn the knob of his door. busted. not like he had anything to hide, right?  

“hyung.” jihoon chuckles, turning around as he’s greeted by jisoo, smiling his pretty smile as always.

“where were you?”

“studying.”

“remember anything from last night?” 

“well.”

“oh?” 

jihoon stumbles with his words, because he didn’t really know what to say about the situation, staring helplessly at jisoo, who all but sighs and gestures for jihoon to take a seat with him on the couch.

plopping down next to the older, he waits for jisoo to be the one to talk. “i saw you and soonyoung.”

“yeah.” jihoon says slowly, “about that.”

jisoo raises an eyebrow, waiting.

“he kissed me first!” he starts, voice accusing as he sits up. “i was being a good friend and taking care of him like i said i would, which i honestly wouldn’t have if i knew he’d be that drunk. i’ve seen soonyoung drink, and he normally doesn’t drink that much.” 

“true.” jisoo mumbles softly, shrugging as he reaches over to pat the other’s head. “you did kiss him back, though, so you can’t just push the blame on soonyoung. besides, from the looks of it, you were both pretty into it.” 

jihoon covered his ears at once, shaking his head quickly. “hyung, please. i had one too many to drink, and so did soonyoung. he doesn’t even remember we kissed or whatever.” he huffs out, putting his hands back down to cross over his chest. 

“did you tell him?” 

jihoon blinks, shaking his head slowly. “nah. that would just make things weird.” 

jisoo frowns, tilting his head. “why? it’s not like it was anything. right?” the older asked slowly, as though he was dawning on a realization. jihoon gulped, playing with the string of his hoodie as he nodded. 

“right. it was nothing. so it shouldn’t mean anything to me or him.” jihoon starts, chewing on his bottom lip as steals a glance at jisoo. 

“but…?”  

jihoon blinks once, twice, as he pushes down the fear that’s bubbling in his chest, before shrugging. “nothing. the kiss meant nothing to me.” 

jisoo shakes his head, pinching jihoon’s cheek, much to his protest. “remember, people talk. this will bite you in the ass, sooner or later.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


sooner or later ends up being a week later, a confused soonyoung approaching him at the local cafe he visits often. the domino pieces begin to fall into place, and jihoon’s just waiting for the moment it all hits him like a bullet train.

“heard we made out?” came his voice, startling jihoon as he practically jumped out of his seat, sighing out of relief when saw it was just soonyoung. the moment he dreaded just smacked him right in the face, much to his distaste. he could tell soonyoung was torn between confusion and frustration, clearing his throat as he tries to keep his composure. jihoon almost wishes he had just confessed about it earlier on to soonyoung, because the constant nagging feeling in his chest since that day was starting to become annoying.

“hello to you too.” jihoon retorts, before letting out a sigh. moment of truth. 

the taller took a seat across from him, pursing his lips. “so?” 

“look, i didn’t want to make things awkward. so i didn’t really say anything.” jihoon admitted, shrugging. “it was a kiss, with tongue from the little i could remember. either way, i didn’t think it was such a big deal so i didn’t think i had to mention it.” 

“but i asked you if anything happened.” soonyoung frowned emphasising his words, “and you told me no. yet you kept that from me? i would like to know who’s mouth i had my tongue down, thank you very much.” 

jihoon flinched, soonyoung’s tone firm and lacking the usual bubbliness. “i know, i know. that’s my fault, i wasn’t thinking. i’m sorry, soonyoung.” he mumbled, clearing his throat as he pushed his drink towards soonyoung. that night soon became a blurry memory, but he can’t help but wonder why he’s always thinking back to that night.  

“you can have the rest?” jihoon said as he offered his peace treaty, knowing all too well that anything dealing with food will easily wear down the boy. with a quick glance between jihoon and the drink, soonyoung succumbed to the temptation, taking it as he sipped from it quietly. 

“well, at least it was your mouth and not some strange person’s mouth.” soonyoung muttered, biting down onto the straw as he glanced up at jihoon. “i still feel weird i had to hear it from mingyu, and not the one i actually made out with.” 

jihoon purses his lips, nodding his head slowly. “i know. sorry.” 

it’s quiet for a moment between the two, before soonyoung’s snickering. “i must’ve been a great kisser, huh?” 

jihoon deadpans. “give me back my drink.”

“wait, no, i take it back! jihoon!”

  
  
  
  
  


when mingyu brought up that night with jihoon to soonyoung, it was as though his brain flicked a switch, memories slowly flooding back into existence. although he can’t remember much, all being a foggy, blurry mess, he vaguely remembers the soft graze of jihoon’s skin against his fingertips, as well as fingers running through his hair. 

“shit.” soonyoung says, lying down on his bed after having came back from confronting jihoon, throwing an arm over his face. though he thought it’d be awkward between the two, it seemed like an easy thing to brush away. but the more soonyoung’s thought lingered on jihoon, the more he realized that maybe he shouldn’t brush it under the rug so easily.  

he groans, unaware of how he truly feels about the situation, about jihoon, and about whatever happened. it was a one night thing, something that happened due to heightened emotions and the alcohol. but why does the idea of jihoon make something in his stomach flutter, and in a good way? he’s accepted their friendship, so he’s not ready to allow for anything more. jihoon was jihoon, nothing more to him. right?

  
  
  
  
  


“looks like you didn’t join them for drinks.” came a voice from behind him, blinking as he turned his head to find jihoon shuffling over with his drink, occupying the empty seat across from soonyoung. “scared you’ll end up making out with another one of our friends?” 

soonyoung snorts, raising an eyebrow as he watches jihoon seat himself, plopping his laptop onto the table. “if you must know, my liver could only handle so much alcohol.”

the other shrugs, sipping on his drink. soonyoung watches the other for a moment, and before he could let himself drown over the what-ifs, he just floats and accepts what is.

  
  
  


days turn to weeks, and weeks turn to months and it seems like everything’s settled down for soonyoung. he moves on from his previous relationship, and focuses on bettering his studies and school activities. he doesn’t think much about the night with jihoon, even overhearing that jihoon was seeing someone named daniel, and soonyoung vaguely remembers jooheon mentioning something about the latter. it was occasionally when he would see jihoon with daniel on campus.  

jihoon doesn’t mention daniel or any of his relationships whenever he’s around soonyoung, always talking about everything else but that. soonyoung never pries or questions, figuring it wasn’t in his place to do so anyway. but he does tease jihoon for being picky with who he dates, earning a “shut up” from the shorter male. weirdly enough, they’ve seemed to pick up a routine of meeting each other at the local cafe near jihoon’s apartment. it was dumb, really, for soonyoung to travel there when there was already a cafe conveniently near his own place. regardless, he still finds himself visiting frequently, always finding jihoon alone at a table. there are times when jihoon isn’t there, so soonyoung finds a table for himself. it’s usually shortly after when jihoon would be plopping down in front of him, no words exchanged for a moment before jihoon’s asking for soonyoung’s opinion on something related to his music courses.  

soonyoung wonders the day when he’ll find daniel with the shorter in the cafe, but realizes that maybe he didn’t want that day to ever come.

  
  
  
  
  
  


“your grandma’s so sweet.” jihoon comments, his smile still wide as he gives another wave to soonyoung’s grandmother from the window. he glances at the other, who all but chuckles and nods. 

“she is, isn’t she? she was so happy to see you! i brought wonwoo and seungkwan here a lot of times, so she probably just assumed they were my only friends. seeing someone new always makes her happy.” soonyoung comments, smile never leaving his lips as he glances over his shoulder at his grandma’s small bakery and spicy rice cake shop, before looking straight ahead again.  

jihoon lets out a soft laugh, nodding his head as he lets his jacket swallow him whole , voice slightly muffled from his scarf. “well, i was happy to meet her too. i see where you get your positivity from.” 

soonyoung snorts, rolling his eyes as he nods his head. “i guess so. grandma taught me a lot. she raised me ever since i was young and i’ve learned everything from her.”  

“mm, your parents were never around?” jihoon asks, after a moment of silence, hoping he worded his question correctly enough to not offend soonyoung if they were or weren’t. 

“nah. always too busy for me, the only care and love i got was from grandma.” soonyoung shrugs, noticing jihoon’s quick glance at him, before the two fell silent again. 

“thanks for coming out with me.” soonyoung spoke up again, kicking at a rock as they walk back to campus. “you didn’t have to, but you still offered so thanks. i always try to find time to help grandma, and when i heard she wasn’t feeling so well, i figured i should visit more often.” 

jihoon pursed his lips, nodding his head as he waved his hands dismissively. “no need to say thanks, i did want to tag along. taste the amazing ddeokbokki you always talk about and see just how positive she is. no regrets coming along at all.” 

soonyoung smiles faintly to himself, clearing his throat as they near the local cafe. “you going to study at moon cafe today?” he asks, stopping at the crosswalk as he turns to jihoon.  

the shorter male gives a nod, tilting his head at the other. “are you?” 

there’s a pause. 

“maybe not today. i’ll see you tomorrow though?” 

jihoon blinks. “yeah, tomorrow.”

the shorter watches the taller walk away from him, watching until the other disappears from his sight. 

was it the slow realization that dawns over jihoon, or the feeling in his chest yearning for something he didn’t know what that sends a jolt of surprise throughout his body? it was foreign, a feeling he normally doesn’t experience towards another person. he frowns, turning around to head to the cafe.

  
  
  
  
  


“hey, you’re not at the cafe today?” jisoo asked, raising an eyebrow as he shuffles over with his bowl of ramen. jihoon shrugs, shaking his head afterwards as he glances up from his laptop.  

“why?” 

the older shrugs as well. “dunno, you’re usually there. with daniel?”

jihoon blinks, surprised at the sudden mention of the male. “wha- no, usually i go by myself and soonyoung’s there, sometimes vernon and seungkwan too.”  

jisoo hums as he slurps down his ramen, sitting a spot away from jihoon as he watches some random drama playing on the tv. “aren’t you usually with daniel? rumor has it that you’re supposedly seeing him?”  

the older male teases, grinning as he wiggles his eyebrows in anticipation. “anything you want to say to me?” 

“hyung.” jihoon scoffs, shaking his head as he looks over at the older, slightly offended as frowns. “listening to rumors about me when you could’ve just asked me. you know i would’ve said something to you by now if i was seeing someone.” 

jisoo makes a face as he swallows down the ramen, letting out a soft ‘ah’ before turning his attention back to jihoon. “hey, sometimes i didn’t even know you had feelings for them when you tell me you’re dating. but you right, you do usually tell me. so, daniel?” 

sighing, jihoon closes his laptop, figuring he wasn’t going to get any work done at this rate. now he remembers why he frequents to the cafe so often. “i know people think we’re together, especially when seungkwan was drilling me about it just a couple days ago. but no, we aren’t really dating. just enjoying each other’s company in a way that is a bit too friendly.”

“gross. i regret asking.” jisoo groans, holding the bowl towards jihoon. “here, i lost my appetite and you haven’t eaten yet.” 

jihoon smirks, taking the bowl as he quickly slurps down the noodles. bingo. 

“but really? fooling around? the last relationship you were in was with baekho, and although that ended pretty civilly, i haven’t seen you date someone as seriously as baekho or kihyun.” jisoo mumbles, resting his head back against the cushion. “if you could even consider that serious.” 

jihoon finished the ramen within minutes, letting out a satisfied sigh as he finishes everything down to the broth. “yeah, i’m still friends with baekho, and i thought we agreed to never mention kihyun.” he grumbles under his breath, shrugging. “i don’t know. is it childish to say i’m fearful of the idea of being in a serious relationship? or that i don’t believe love exists or lasts forever?”

it was quiet for a moment, jihoon occasionally glancing at jisoo, who seemed to be lost in thought before opening his mouth to speak. 

“childish, no. you do have ever right to be fearful, and to believe that love doesn’t exist. but you shouldn’t let that mindset push you away from something possibly able to blossom.” 

jihoon makes a noise of protest, moving to place the empty bowl in between the two, already wanting to run away from the talk itself

“hey, hear me out. maybe you just haven’t met that special someone yet. someone who you’re willing to push away your fears and go into something serious with. someone who makes you believe that love exists and prove to you that love will last forever just because you’re with them.” jisoo adds shortly after, nodding his head slowly as he offers a small smile at the other. 

humming, jihoon drums his finger along his keyboard as he listens to everything jisoo has to say. as much as he wouldn’t like to admit, the older was right. but jihoon’s been so fearful of what his parents had experienced that he doesn’t want to go through something like that. groaning, he slumps back against the couch. he can already hear jisoo snickering, because he knew he got through to the younger. 

“if anything, you and seungcheol lasting this long already gives me some hope about love.” jihoon remarks, chuckling.

“of course, we’re goals, man.” jisoo grinned, causing jihoon to laugh at his response and sudden english. 

“yeah, yeah. goals. i’m sure seungcheol would be upset if he found out i open up to you more than i ever have to him.” jihoon snorts. 

he could see the hint of delight that flashes through the older’s eyes, quickly pulling out his phone. 

“babe, guess what!”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


soonyoung finds himself lost, stumbling back home in a state of shock as seungkwan glances over from the refrigerator.  

“you good? you look sick.” seungkwan asked, raising an eyebrow as he shuts the refrigerator door closed. “something happen?” 

soonyoung blinks, standing there as he stares at the ground. “wonwoo confessed.”

“what?!” seungkwan yells, followed in unison by several voices in the living, heads popping up to reveal it was mingyu and seungcheol. 

soonyoung stares wide-eyed at the other two, before dismissing it quickly. “yeah. he confessed.” 

“hold up, how? when? what?” seungkwan asks, seemingly just as confused as soonyoung was.  

“yo, i knew wonwoo had someone in mind, but i had no idea it was you.” mingyu spoke, shaking his head in disbelief as seungcheol snorted. 

“what’d you say?” seungcheol asks, giddy and awaiting his response. 

 

 

 _wonwoo watches as soonyoung scarfs down the rest of his ice cream, shaking his head and making a face as he looks down at his barely eaten ice cream. “jeez, what a pig.”_  

_soonyoung scoffs. “hey, you asked me to go with you to get dessert. and you barely ate!”_

_“yeah, lost my appetite when i saw your face.” wonwoo snickers, causing soonyoung to glare playfully at the other. they sit in silence again, with wonwoo picking at his ice cream and soonyoung cleaning the remains from his bowl._  

 _soonyoung’s used to the silence between the two, having known each other ever since high school, they were pretty comfortable with one another. however, something was off today. he could practically feel the tension, and he wasn’t sure why. he stole quick glances at wonwoo, noting how tense he seemed._  

 _“hey, you okay?” soonyoung spoke up after some bit, noticing how wonwoo stopped eating his ice cream overall._  

 _“look. i need to say something. and i figured, if i never say it now, i won’t ever be able to.” wonwoo started, words rushed._  

 _“I like you.”_  

 _soonyoung blinked. oh._ oh _. he stares at wonwoo, who hangs his head in embarrassment as he clears his throat. “i’ve liked you for quite some time, actually. i was hoping that maybe there could be something between us.” wonwoo continued, looking up at soonyoung._  

 _“i - “ soonyoung starts, at a loss for words as he clears his throat. “you know how i am, with love and relationships. i’m cautious, i cut it off once i feel myself starting to fall into the deep end of the pool and becoming dependent. i do whatever it takes to protect myself, and after jeonghan, it was hard to let myself fall so easily like i did with him. i fell too fast, being pulled to the bottom of the ocean. i didn’t know how, but i managed to break free and here i am. it’s damaged me from ever seeking as committed of a relationship as what i had with jeonghan, and i don’t want to hurt you.”_  

_wonwoo nods his head as he listens to soonyoung, chewing on his bottom lip, as though to help keep your composure. “can you.. at least think about it? i know what you’ve been through, and i won’t hurt you like your past relationship. i’ll treat you the way you should be treated. so please, think about it?”_

_soonyoung could feel his heart pounding against his chest. it wasn’t an overwhelming feeling of joy at his best friend’s confession, but a sense of desperation to flee the scene._  

_“yeah, sure.”_

 

 

“so you don’t like him.” mingyu concludes at the end of soonyoung’s story, raising an eyebrow in question. soonyoung’s lying face flat on the floor, face buried in his arm as he lets out a muffled groan. 

“or you do like him?” seungkwan interjects, tilting his head.  

“or none of the above?” seungcheol suggests, in which soonyoung raises his head immediately.

 “yes.” he automatically says, shifting his body to lay on his side, hugging his knees to his chest. “he’s my best friend, but i never saw him as anything more.” 

the others nod in understanding, murmuring amongst themselves as soonyoung wallows in his own confusion and sadness.

“why don’t you just give it a try?” seungkwan comments after a moment, soonyoung glancing at the younger who shrugs. “you never know.” 

“unless..” seungcheol’s voice trails off, raising an eyebrow. “did you have someone you’re interested in already?” 

soonyoung opens his mouth to answer, because of course he doesn’t, right? but something inside him stops him from answering, eyebrows furrowing as he closes his mouth. the others stare at him, and the longer he takes to answer, the more suspicious they are of him. 

“uh.” 

seungkwan points a finger at him, mouth agape as though he knows what soonyoung’s going to say. seungcheol and mingyu look equally confused, and before soonyoung could even respond, seungkwan blurts out, “jihoon! it’s him, right?” 

soonyoung’s taken aback, and replies a little bit too fast than he intended. “no! what, are you kidding me? weren’t you the one who told me he was dating daniel?” soonyoung scoffs, sitting up immediately so he’s eye-to-eye with the younger. “we’re friends.” 

seungcheol snickers, tilting his head. “oh really? heard you’ve been spending a lot of time at moon cafe, though.”  

rolling his eyes, soonyoung makes a face at the older’s keen observation. “everyone goes there, even seungkwan! i like to do my work in the company of my friends.” 

“yeah, yeah. so you really don’t like jihoon?” mingyu pipes up, quickly getting up to pat soonyoung’s head as he scurries off to answer the door. “pizza’s here!” 

“no, guys. trust me. he’s just a friend.” soonyoung laughs, and he doesn’t know who he’s trying to convince more: his friends, or himself?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooooohhh where am i going with this? wheezes. i dont know but i hope it works out sldjfakdljf haha
> 
> follow me and talk to me on [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/inuhosh) about soonhoon or svt or anything really!! thanks for reading! ♡
> 
> kudos and comments are much appreciated. ♡


	3. three

“wonwoo confessed to me.” soonyoung brings up casually one day, catching jihoon off guard who all but glances up quickly from his laptop screen. soonyoung isn’t looking at him, eyes busy reading something from his laptop, but jihoon can’t tell whether soonyoung was happy about that or not.

“oh.” jihoon says after some time, unable to really find any other words to say about what soonyoung said to him besides _oh_. “uh. do you feel the same way?” he manages to come up with, noticing soonyoung’s expressionless face.

“i don’t know.” soonyoung mumbles under his breath, and if jihoon hadn’t been listening closely, he probably would’ve missed that entirely. “he told me to think about it, and i said i would.”

jihoon nods, tapping his pen against his laptop as he pursed his lips. “so what’s the problem?”

soonyoung sighs, eyes finally locking with his, and jihoon’s surprised at the sudden desperate look he receives from the taller. “he’s my best friend.”

“isn’t that a thing people hope for? to date and fall in love with their best friend?” jihoon hums playfully, shrugging as he finally sees soonyoung crack a smile.

“if only it were that easy.” soonyoung groans, rubbing his forehead with his palm, sighing.

“look, it’s simple. you like him, date him. you don’t, don’t date him.” jihoon concludes easily, crossing his arms over his chest as he leans back. he doesn’t know why he’s itching to know whether the taller male reciprocated wonwoo’s feelings, and not knowing just made it worse.

sighing, soonyoung nods his head, spinning his pen with his finger but he gives a another short, firm nod. “okay.”

jihoon can’t tell what’s running through soonyoung’s mind, and before he could say anything, the chime of the cafe door alerts his attention briefly, but the person walking in has his guards up just as quick.

daniel.

“hey, jihoon. didn’t know you were here.” daniel grins as he walks over, and jihoon doesn’t know why but he can see soonyoung’s expression hardening at the second.

“yeah, i usually do work here.” jihoon chuckles, watching as the older grabs a chair to take a seat with them. he casts a quick glance at soonyoung, who doesn’t look too pleased, but plays it off by staring at his laptop.

“hey. daniel.” daniel says as he introduces himself to soonyoung, grinning as the latter glances up and offers a friendly smile in return.

“soonyoung. nice to meet you.” he says, before turning his attention back to his laptop. jihoon sits awkwardly as daniel casually talks to jihoon about one of their class assignments, glancing over at every chance he gets towards soonyoung. it’s only when daniel excuses himself to grab a cup of coffee that soonyoung closes his laptop.

“hey. uh, i’ll leave you two alone.” soonyoung chuckles, packing his things as jihoon furrows his eyebrows in confusion.

“why? you can stay.” jihoon starts, voice wandering off as he watches soonyoung pack in the speed of light, not bothering to look up at him. he frowns at soonyoung’s lack of response.

“soonyoung.” jihoon says again just as he’s about to walk away, who stops and sighs.

“nah, it’s fine. he’s your boyfriend, i’m not going to disrupt you two.” he mumbles, shrugging. “thanks for hearing me out on the whole wonwoo thing. maybe i’ll give it a shot.” he concludes after a moment, before offering a small smile and heading towards the exit before jihoon could even get a word in.

boyfriend? they weren’t even dating, but it looks like soonyoung’s heard word from seungkwan. of course, they were roommates, after all. the thought remained unsettling of soonyoung actually agreeing to go out with wonwoo, but what was he to stop him? they were friends, but the slight ache in his chest convinces him otherwise.

 

 

 

soonyoung’s world starts collapsing on him, faster than he could manage to pick up the pieces and fix it.

it’s been awhile since he’s spoken or seen wonwoo, unable to truly give a confident enough answer to his best friend. although he did have a crush on him when they first met, soonyoung hasn’t felt that way towards wonwoo in the longest time ever. he never even knew his best friend felt that way towards him, and he wonders how long. how did soonyoung never notice? or was wonwoo just not as obvious as others? it frustrates him, not being able to know what he truly wants. part of him wants to say yes, for the sake of saving their friendship and possibly for the sake of his best friend’s happiness. soonyoung finds it funny, how for once he’s putting someone else’s feelings before his own. ironic, isn’t it? however, part of him wants to say no, due to the sole fact that he doesn’t feel the same way for his best friend. it wouldn’t be fair to wonwoo if he said yes just because he felt bad, and it wouldn’t be fair if the relationship was just one-sided. it wouldn’t be fair to the both of them.

“hyung. i’m sure wonwoo would understand if you said no.” seungkwan speaks up as they spend a night staying in, watching dramas from the television. soonyoung makes a noise, before grabbing the bowl of popcorn back from the younger.

“i know. i just, i don’t know. i used to like wonwoo, once upon a time. so i thought maybe, if i put myself back in that mindset, i could find myself liking him again. but.” soonyoung shrugs, “i don’t know. i’m scared what will happen to our friendship.”

seungkwan, lost in the drama for a moment, directs his attention back to soonyoung. “don’t force yourself into liking him. besides, i’m pretty sure you like someone else.”

soonyoung raises an eyebrow, anticipating seungkwan’s response. “really? and who may that be?”

“jihoon.”

well. soonyoung blinks, and he shakes his head quickly. “like i said before, he’s dating daniel.”

“so you do!” seungkwan yells in excitement, hand covering his mouth as he stares wide-eyed at soonyoung. “i knew it. god, i’m good at this.”

soonyoung rolls his eyes, throwing a popcorn kernel at the younger. “i don’t know, anymore. with jihoon, with wonwoo. i just don’t.”

seungkwan sighs, reaching over to give soonyoung’s cheek a squeeze. “you never do know, hyung.”

 

 

 

just as soonyoung’s about to leave his apartment, there’s a knock at his door. not expecting anyone, he peers out of the peephole and finds wonwoo standing there.

**shit.**

he opens the door slowly, glancing at wonwoo. it’s been too long, and he knew his answer was overdue. but wonwoo stood there expectantly, hands behind his back as he looked at soonyoung.

“i know. i shouldn’t have rushed things by coming over. but i need an answer, please.” wonwoo mumbles softly, eyes pleading. soonyoung was frozen in spot, hand gripping tightly onto the door.

“yes. why don’t we give it a shot?” soonyoung says after a while, and he hopes the regret in his chest will disappear soon.

 

 

 

soonyoung’s been avoiding moon cafe, simply sticking to the cafe near his place to go and do work.

but today, he spots jihoon in his cafe, with two drinks on the table. they lock eyes, and jihoon gestures for soonyoung to sit down.

“hey.” soonyoung says slowly, raising an eyebrow as he sits down across from jihoon, who smiles nervously at the other.

“sorry, it looks like i found your secret hideout.” jihoon snorts, pushing the drink towards soonyoung. “were you avoiding me?”

soonyoung rolls his eyes, shaking his head quickly. “please, jihoon. not everything is about you. besides, this is closer to my place.”

jihoon hums, nodding his head as he closes his laptop slightly, to get a better look at soonyoung. “if you say so. i just wanted to apologize, for daniel and whatever happened that day.”

soonyoung grimaces, realizing his emotions were at a high that day, so he wasn’t thinking properly. “yeah, sorry about walking out like that. it wasn’t daniel or your fault, i think i was just an emotional mess over what to do with wonwoo. ugh.” he groans, rubbing his temple as he shrugs.

“i see. well, whatever seungkwan may have told you, is wrong. tell him to get his facts straight, i’m not dating daniel.” jihoon drops, noticing the way soonyoung’s eyes lit up.

“oh?” soonyoung mumbles, blinking as he holds back the smile that’s pulling on his lips. “guess i got to inform seungkwan on that.”

“yes please. before he spreads even more rumors.” jihoon snorts, pushing his laptop back up as he steals a quick glance from soonyoung. “besides, it’s boring doing work by myself.”

there’s a moment of silence, before jihoon speaks up again, his expression dimming. “i heard you’re going out with wonwoo?”

soonyoung blinks, having even forgotten himself, though it’s only been a couple days. “i - yeah. best friends turned lover, like you said, right?”

jihoon’s laughs, a little too forced, but he nods his head. “i wish you both well. really.”

 

 

 

jihoon learns that maybe, just maybe, love isn’t meant for everyone. as for him, love was empty. a mess of one night stands with no strings attached. he never willingly gave his heart to anyone, yet it felt like he just watched soonyoung step all over it. love wasn’t meant for everyone, and it certainly wasn’t meant for him. 

 

 

 

it marks the second month since soonyoung and wonwoo started dating, and there wasn’t much of a difference in their relationship. they did everything they would do normally as friends, with the addition of kissing and whatnot. regardless, everything seemed to be fine at first.

however, there were fights. lots of them. many for reasons soonyoung didn’t even know, but he had a guess: jealousy and insecurity. the jealousy he saw that sparked in wonwoo’s eyes was something that made soonyoung grow fearful, made his stomach churn and memories to flood back all of a sudden. jealousy turned into anger, and anger turned into constant drinking from the taller. their relationship was barely hanging on a thread, because everything soonyoung did, wonwoo was paranoid of. his best friend knew of his history with past relationships, ending it before anything got too serious, putting a stop to a relationship that could’ve worked well, wonwoo knew it all, which propelled him to be insecure of whatever soonyoung did.

wonwoo questioned, and doubted him. drunken nights of him crying and beating soonyoung’s chest, begging for the other to never leave. and soonyoung, at a loss, would try and console the other, eyes already puffy from all the accusations being thrown his way. was his efforts not enough to show wonwoo that he wouldn’t hurt him like he did with his past relationships? was soonyoung seriously not enough, even for his best friend? and if wonwoo really felt something for him, why did he feel like all he ever did was doubt him? soonyoung couldn’t say anything, his track record looking pretty bad with his past boyfriends, but he thought wonwoo would’ve known, would’ve understood him more than he would have understood himself. he was there for soonyoung from the beginning of it all, from his abusive relationship to now.

 

_“it’s all your fault.” wonwoo spat at him one day after an argument, the words hitting soonyoung right in the gut._

_“what now?” soonyoung blinked, glancing up from his bowl of ramen._

_“the reason why i’m like this.” wonwoo said, laughing almost maniacally. “with your shitty relationship habits, maybe i wouldn’t be so self conscious all the time.”_

_soonyoung scoffed, inhaling slowly through his nose as he stirred his noodles slowly. “didn’t you know this going into this relationship? didn’t you fucking know what i went through? you were there throughout it all, and you’re blaming me for you acting this way?”_

_“you’re always playing victim, soonyoung.” wonwoo shouts, causing soonyoung to flinch in response. “for once, think of others before yourself.”_

_“you think i don’t?” soonyoung laughs, biting back the words that would reign hell. “i’ve done everything in my best to show you that i’m in this for real, but all you’re doing is pushing. me. away. and then pulling me right fucking back in. it’s fucking exhausting.”_

_soonyoung throws down his chopsticks, storming out of the apartment as he walks back to his place. it’s only later does he receive a text from wonwoo, apologizing and begging for the other to come back, talk things out and work things out._

_“it’ll just be the fucking same.” soonyoung groans, throwing his phone in frustration at the couch as he holds back the tears that threatened to spill over._

  


seungkwan said wonwoo knew too much for their relationship to ever work out, as soonyoung laid next to the other on the younger’s bed. “please, hyung. end it.”

and eventually, he did. the peak of their third month approaching, soonyoung was fed up. the crying, the yelling. he was mentally exhausted, being pushed and put down to the point he didn’t know if it was even worth getting back up. this was different, different from his first relationship, but just as worse. it hurt the same, and although the bruises may not show physically, they scarred his inner core greatly. soonyoung doesn’t know why he stayed until their fifth month together, doesn’t know why he put up with all the rude remarks hurled at him. part of him wanted to prove to wonwoo, to himself, that he wasn’t selfish, and for once, putting someone’s feelings before his own. part of him didn’t want to lose wonwoo. but a part of him knew this was breaking him, more than ever. soonyoung realizes that maybe it isn’t so selfish to think about himself before others. he wasn’t hurting anyone, he was saving himself.

love was like an ocean, something extremely scary, yet so exhilarating. there was so much left unexplored. with wonwoo, he was sitting on the shoreline, away from the ocean as he watches. maybe it wasn’t love he felt for the other, but a sense of fear that dawned over him of losing someone close to him. maybe soonyoung did go into this relationship at first blindly, solely for the sake of wanting to keep wonwoo around. he loved him, of course, but his love wasn’t as deep as the ocean, and wasn’t the same love wonwoo may have felt for him once upon a time. maybe they were both fearful of losing one another, and wonwoo saw the chance, and he leaped for it. maybe soonyoung wasn’t right for starting a relationship with the other when he wasn’t ready for it, and part of him feels like wonwoo wasn’t ready for it either.

 

 

 

_“i was scared, scared of losing you to someone else. i was possessive of you suddenly, and i had to act quick. i wanted you all to myself, so i put a label on it. selfish, right? only wanting you simply because i could never have you? i knew you would give in, knowing well aware that you didn’t feel anything for me. manipulative, i know. even then i let the insecurities get to me, knowing well enough who you are. i invested myself into this relationship, and i convinced even myself that this was real and my feelings for you was real. but it wasn’t at all. not for you, not for me, not at all. it’s fucked up, and you’re right, i’m fucked up.”_

 

 

 

he lost his best friend the day they ended things, and soonyoung wasn’t sure what to do anymore.  he was broken and tired. emotionally drained to the point of no return. he remembers walking out of the apartment, and for a moment, just briefly, he wanted to turn around. try and amend things, try and save the last bits of their friendship as much as possible. but the damage was done. the one person in the world who he wouldn’t have ever thought to hurt him, did just that. soonyoung walks away, away from the years of friendship they’ve built, and away from something that should never have happened from the beginning.

soonyoung remembers walking around aimlessly late at night, practically dragging his body around, no real attempt of going anywhere. he remembers bumping into jihoon, who stops him along the sidewalk, concern written all over his face as he tried to shake soonyoung from his daze.

“hey…” the shorter male starts, tilting his head in question as he holds onto the taller’s forearms firmly. “what’s wrong?”

“we broke up.” soonyoung mumbled, looking over jihoon’s head, never looking directly at him. “fuck, he didn’t even really like me.”

soonyoung laughed. jihoon frowned, eyebrows narrowing in confusion.

he laughed and he laughed, hysterically at one point, before his laughter subsided into tears, and a sob ripped through his chest before he could even control his feelings.

jihoon, baffled at the sudden transition, quickly took ahold of the other’s arm, pulling him to a nearby bench, seating the sobbing male.

“wha-”

“he used me.” soonyoung half sobs, half laughs. he was delirious at this point, but he didn’t really care. “selfish bastard didn’t want to see me happy. so he took advantage of that. he knew what he was doing. fucking hell.”

 

_“lee jihoon. i saw you making out with him that one night. but why him, soonyoung? why him and never me? did i really have to guilt trip you into going out with me for once? hell, soonyoung. we could’ve been something great. but you always found yourself with someone else. i was fed up. and yes, i was selfish for pushing away someone from your life that could’ve made you happy. i’ve been there for you through thick and thin, but i let my insecurities and frustrations get in the way of whatever the fuck this was. god, i’m sorry. i did the same thing you probably did, tried to force myself to like you again, but all i felt was pain. it’s my fault, it really is.”_

 

jihoon blinks, at a loss for words as he wraps an arm around the other’s shoulders. soonyoung was silently crying at this point, but jihoon couldn’t really tell for what reason. he could feel his sleeve already drenched from soonyoung’s tears, but he held the taller closer to him as he weeped.

jihoon doesn’t know what happened, and it may be possible that he’ll never know what happened between them, something he will probably always have to wonder. however, watching as the taller fell apart completely in front of him, the agony and the way his body shook with each sob he let out, made his heart sink to the pit of his stomach in a pain and sadness he normally never feels for someone else. the normally bright and cheerful soonyoung he knew was replaced with a fragile and weak being, someone almost unrecognizable to jihoon. each desperate gasp for air in between sobs that rang throughout the night’s air was enough to cut through him, bone-deep. murmuring small words of encouragement, jihoon mentally takes note to never, ever let soonyoung get to this point ever again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uwu and i have finally updated! kudos and comments are much appreciated ♡
> 
> follow me and talk to me about soonhoon and svt on twitter! @inuhosh uwu

**Author's Note:**

> a new chaptered fic! aaah i'm so excited to be writing this, and i hope you all enjoy reading! big shoutout to [melodyinlove](https://archiveofourown.org/users/melodyinlove) for being amazing and reading over this many times and giving great advice! she writes soonhoon, as well as 2hyun / pd101, so check her out!
> 
> follow me and talk to me on [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/inuhosh) about soonhoon or svt or anything really!! thanks for reading! ♡
> 
> kudos and comments are much appreciated. ♡


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